&&. ( EL ) :
— a starter for @loyaltyburdened because <3333 (!!!)
God, this felt like OLD TIMES. Being driven home in Mike’s car, the soft crooning of the radio the only sound breaking the stillness of the crisp autumn evening. Stars and headlights the only sources of light for what felt like miles, bathing them in a low ethereal glow. Her head resting on the glass of her window, the stuffed teddy bear Mike had won her playing that ridiculous carnival game with the soda bottles cradled in her lap. It had taken him SIX tries to win, but he hadn’t wanted to give up - he almost always brought her home from their dates with something. A stuffed animal. Flowers. A book he’d just finished reading. His blue jacket, when he’d outgrown it and neither of them could bare the thought of it being donated or thrown away. Always something to mark the occasion, to prove how much care he’d put into his plans. He was THOUGHTFUL that way; trying to show his love for people in both words and deeds. Always had been. It was one of the things she’d loved most about him from the very first day they met.
But of course, it wasn’t old times. In fact, they were farther removed from those early idyllic days together than she’d ever imagined they could get. Over the last year, the one relationship she’d thought was strong enough to withstand anything had been almost entirely DESTROYED. Miscommunication, mistrust, and a healthy dose of normal teen angst had led to the unthinkable - Mike and El breaking up, after more than three deliriously happy years together. At first no one had known what to do, their friends almost as lost in their confusion and grief as the now exes had been. It had only gotten worse when Mike found a new girlfriend in the grade below theirs, seeming to indicate to all that he was firmly OVER his first love. Which of course (with some heavy handed nudging by Lucas) had led El to find her own new relationship, a desperate attempt to make her own pain and longing fade as it apparently had for him.
It had worked. Kind of. Until that night at the party. When Mike, El, and their new significant others had been all brought face to face for the first time. El had done her best to be cordial, sticking to as many monosyllabic answers as she could so as to avoid sounding as DEVASTATED as she felt. She’d excused herself to the bathroom, to splash some cold water on her face, only to open the door and find Mike staring down at her. With eyes she’d recognize anywhere - a desire and a need flickering in them she knew was mirrored in her own. From there it had all been a blur. Lips crashing, fingers reaching, sanity surrendered. A love burning between them that no distance or time had diminished.
And it had continued like that, the two of them meeting clandestinely behind their partners’ backs, for MONTHS. Until a very public jealous rampage from Mike’s girlfriend had prompted him to end things with her and seek out El in the daylight. To tell her that he’d messed up, badly, and that he didn’t want to do this anymore - because he wanted MORE. He wanted what they had back. He was sorry. He still loved her. And El? … Had needed time. After all, no matter how much she wanted him, he’d broken her heart. In to more pieces than she was sure she could put back together. What if he just changed his mind again in a few months and left? Or the other girl, whose name El hadn’t even bothered to learn, came back? But after weeks of proving himself, of staying by her side as no more than a friend, El had finally agreed to a date. Just one. A date that was now ending outside her house, as thousands of their dates before had.
As soon as Mike put the car in park out front of the cabin, El could feel her breath starting to come in shorter, shallower bursts. She was NERVOUS; a sensation around Mike she hadn’t felt in a long, long time. Because this was it; the moment that would determine everything. If they were going to get back together, if she trusted him again, if they could make this WORK. The tension of all of it hung in the air so thickly it made it hard to breathe, prompting El to get out of the car. As if that helped - she immediately caught sight of their tree, where they’d carved their initials years ago. Where he kissed her goodnight so many times she’d lost count. It made her stomach roll, an overwhelming avalanche of memories impressing upon her.
But when Mike walked around the car to her side, she SMILED. Of course she did. It was Mike. And no matter what had happened between them, how badly she’d been broken, she would always smile at the sight of him. He was everything to her … even if she wasn’t sure he’d ever say the same. “I had … a lot of fun tonight.” she managed to mumble out, nodding her head a little as if to confirm it.
they had been inseparable. no one or thing could tear them apart ( especially after three hundred and fifty-three days ). they’d overcome so many obstacles– how were either of them supposed to predict that they’d ever, in a MILLION YEARS, break up? the very IDEA had seemed so preposterous! the day either of them broke up would be the day that hell froze ever, and yet—— they’d broken up. no one saw it coming. everyone couldn’t believe the news. he clearly remembered the GAWKING of their friends, the cry of disbelief from nancy on the other end of the phone, the disappointment from his mother– even holly asked whatever happened to EL. the two had been so greatly attached at the hip that it had become near impossible to imagine the two apart. it didn’t affect anyone worse than it did MIKE ( except maybe other than el, herself ) though. try as he might, he couldn’t ever shake her from his mind.
after a while, he found himself a NEW girlfriend, and admittedly, she was more of a REBOUND than anything. he’d wanted so desperately to get over el ( thinking about her, having to see her around had become too painful for him ) that when the girl showed even the TINIEST amount of interest in him, he went for it. … needless to say, it didn’t do much to help him forget. sure, she was a decent enough distraction, but there had been more than a handful of times that mike had nearly slipped up and called her ‘el’. thankfully, he’d been able to catch himself, every time…but one.
after giving into his desires, after going back to el behind their current partners’ backs ( always accompanied with a pang of guilt ), he’d ended up accidentally murmuring el’s name in the middle of an intimate moment with his current girlfriend and that was all it took. she flew off the handle, only getting worse when she eventually squeezed the secret affairs out of him—— but mike couldn’t even be mad. he had no right to be. he’d KNOWN what he’d gotten himself into, and he’d KNOWN that it was wrong, but he still did it anyway. if anything, he was SCARED. not of the girl, necessarily, but of the utter HELL that she was about to unleash. he was unable to stop her. she lashed out at el, made a huge scene, things ended, and mike had tracked el down, apologizing and telling her that he wanted her back. it wasn’t that easy – of course it wasn’t – but he’d vowed to prove himself the moment he got the chance.
finally, el had agreed to a date. just one. but that was all that mike needed. he’d taken her to the fair, worked his ass off to win her a stuffed bear, and tried his best not to make her at all uncomfortable the entire time. truth be hold, he’d been scared to even TRY to hold her hand at first, much less touch her at all. but, all things considered, mike had considered the date a success, all the way til THIS moment. driving her home. pulling up at the cabin. he’d be lying if he said that he wasn’t a bit nervous – okay, scratch that – A LOT nervous. he didn’t know how to officially end the night. normally, he didn’t have to think twice about it, but things were DIFFERENT this time; things were fragile.
so, he tried to focus on ANYTHING than the inevitable ‘goodbyes’ and the fact that his hands were clammier than they’d ever been before in his life. the moment el had stepped out of the car, mike took the opportunity to remove his sweaty hands from the steering wheel and rub them quickly on his jeans, clenching and unclenching his fists a few times, taking a deep breath to try to give himself a boost of courage, and followed suit in getting out of his car. he was still trying to calm his frazzled thoughts as he rounded the car and moved over to the passenger side. he pretended not to notice THEIR TREE, instead, bringing his eyes to focus on eleven. he couldn’t exactly meet her gaze, however. his eyes kept flickering, never settling on one particular thing, eventually giving up altogether when she spoke, as they dropped down to his worn sneakers.
“ me, too, ” he muttered just as shyly, a small smile of his own forming on his lips. this was all too familiar, yet so much different than all the other times he’d dropped her off. the tension was so thick that you could cut it with a knife. all the memories that had continually been coming back to him only made it worse. he couldn’t grab her and plant one on her this time. he couldn’t tell her goodnight for the sixth time while hiding from hopper’s view from inside of cabin against the tree. he didn’t know what to do. his hands twitched anxiously, so he ended up stuffing them in his pockets, more than content in having his bangs hiding his face as he continued to look down.
“ i’m… uh, i’m really happy that you agreed to go out with me tonight. ” he hated how awkward he sounded compared to how easily their conversations used to flow. it wasn’t normal. it was odd. almost uncomfortable. he wished that things could just go back to how they used to be, but he knew that wasn’t possible. neither of them would be able to forget the damage.
the silence was killing him. he wasn’t sure how much more of it could take. they couldn’t just stand out here all night. they’d have to end it eventually. mike had half a mind to rip it off like a band-aid– go ahead and get it over with. so, with some hesitance, mike took a breath, finally lifted his gaze to meet el’s, and he could feel the smile on his lips growing, almost nervously so. he cleared his throat and combed a hand through his unkempt locks.
“ so uh… can i, uh… at least hug you goodnight? would that…be alright…? ”